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Stag Night Joke Material - A Geordie Lover!

Newcastle football shirtHere's a great joke which would be very useful as speech material. Apologies to all Geordies out there reading this:-

 A small zoo in Newcastle acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle.

Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in season. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Barry, a local chap & part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages.
Barry, a simple soul with little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Barry was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for £500? Barry showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under four conditions:


1. 'First', Barry said, 'Ah'm not ganna kiss her on the lips.' The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
2. 'Second', he said, 'ye cannit never tell neebody aboowt this.' The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
3. 'Third', Barry said, 'I want any bairns raised as Newcastle fans.’ Once again it was agreed.
4. 'And last of all', Barry said after a little thought, 'ya ganna hev tu give me another two weeks to come up with the 500 quid!'