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Playboy Bunnies July 2012

Stag Night Joke Ideas

You're on the stag night and there's always one member of the group who has those tired old jokes. So you can arm yourself beforehand here's some material you can claim as your own. Stag nights wouldn't be the same without some cringe worthy jokes.
1. The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Strewth, talk about Dyson with death.

2.Paddy says: "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ." "Sod that" says Mick: "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"

3.I've just had a letter back from Screwfix. they said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.

4.My girlfriend thinks that Im a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

5.I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid....... then I was petrified.

6.A wife says to her husband: "Youre always pushing me around and talking behind my back".
He says: "What do you expect? Youre in a wheelchair".

7.I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.

8.She said: "I would like to come back as a cow".
I said: "You're obviously not listening".

9.Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten. It's called wedding cake.

10.I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said: "I love you".
She said; "Is that you or the beer talking?"
I replied: "It's me talking to the beer".

11.The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.
So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

12.They've opened a new shop across the road selling camouflage clothing but I have my suspicions something weird is going on. Yesterday I saw 20 people go in but I never saw anyone coming out.

13.I've been on the phone for ages trying to book tickets for an Elvis tribute act, but it keeps asking me to press 1 for the money, 2 for the show......

 14.I just brought a friend of mine a new fridge, should have seen his face light up when he opened it

 15.A friend of mine moved into a new house at the weekend so I took him over a couple of radiators. Just a little house warming present.

16.I've just heard the window cleaner shouting and swearing outside my house. I think he's lost his rag.

 17.I went to my allotment last week and found someone had covered it with 2 inches of soil. I went again yesterday only to find it covered again with another 2 inches of soil. The plot thickens!!!

 18.A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.....

19.I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it... I thought to myself, these idiots have lost the plot!!

 20.A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for the channel said...'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'

 21.My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! B*ll*cks to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

 22.Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

 23.I start a new job in Seoul next week.. I thought it was a good Korea move.

 24.I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown’.