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December 2004
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February 2005

Quotes

Quotes of the Week

Great things are done when men and mountains meet. William Blake (1757-1827)

Society speaks and all men listen. Mountains speak all wise men listen. John Muir (1838-1914)

To the dull mind nature is leaden. To the illuminated mind the whole world burns and sparkles light. Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors. We borrow it from our children. Haida Indian saying


Jokes

Jokes of the Week

Why English Teachers Die Young.

Actual Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays

   1.  Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides
gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

   2.  His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

   3.  The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a
formerly surcharge-free ATM.

   4.  The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.

   5. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a
guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high
schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it.

   6.  She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.

   7.  She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
just before it throws up.

   8. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

   9. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

10.  McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
filled with vegetable soup.

   11.  From the attic came an unearthly howl.  The whole scene had an
eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and
Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

   12.  Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

   13.  The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots
when you fry them in hot grease.


Think Before you Litter

Beware - Stupid People About

When you're travelling in Wales and thinking of dropping your litter don't do what this chap did. He dumped  a load of household rubbish on the outskirts of Wrexham. He deliberately chose a spot where there was a roadside sign warning against fly-tipping. he even went to the trouble of tying some of the rubbish to the sign. But it didn't take long for the Council sleuths to track him down.

Amongst the rubbish he had left his old front door -  complete with street number. As if that wasn't enough of a clue he'd also left his home address on papers down the back of his abandoned sofa.


Speech Nerves

As best man you've arranged the stag night and now your next main task is upon you - the dreaded speech.

Don't worry, with some basic tips you'll get through it and not only that, you will look confident and have them rolling in the aisles (well maybe not that but laughing anyway)

1. Preparation

This is essential. The sooner you prepare the less stresssssssssed you'll feel on the big day. It gives you more time to rehearse and run through your masterpiece. You want to have run through your speech so much you almost memorise it word for word.

2. The Morning of the Wedding

Agree with everyone as early as possible who is speaking when. This avoids any difficult moments for both you and the guests you invite to speak. There is nothing worse than being asked to speak and being unprepared.

3. Before dinner

Think positively. If you think positively then things will go well. Praise yourself on the content of the speech.

4. Just Before you Speak

Make sure you've emptied your bladder. There is nothing worse than standing there crossed legged. This will be an obvious distraction and will put you out of your stride.

5. Don't over indulge on the fruit juice

Don't drink too much. If you need a few to relax then do so but don't go over the top. If you get too drink remember the incident will be brought up by everyone who was at the wedding in future years.

6. Just before you Stand Up

Relax - take deep breaths through your nose. Get the blood flowing, walk about, clench those fists stamp your feet into the floor. Think about breathing rather than nerves.

7. Stand Up

How does it go - You don't get a second chance to make a good first impression - and that is true.  SMILE as you stand up and before you speak. It will make a difference.

8. Voice

Don't rush and but do sound conversational. You'll come across as being more relaxed in that way. Eye contact is important as it makes the speech more personal and the audience feels more involved - ask them questions such as  doesn't ??? look great

9. Hecklers

Don't get involved. Other guests will probably shut them up for you. Just thank them for their comments and move on.

Good luck


Wedding Attire

Tartan_1 The stag night has gone and so thoughts turn to the wedding. have you decided what you are going to wear? Are you looking for something totally different? If so did you know you can now get Welsh Tartan - yes Weslh not Scottish Tartan. So if you are a Williams, Evans,Edwards, Rice, Ellis, James and many more then you can get your own family tartan.

Even though it is referred to as Welsh Tartan many of the family names are commonplace in many other countries.

Take a look at the website www.welsh-tartan.com


Find us on your Stag Weekend

Where to find us

By Road

The County Borough is well connected to other parts of the UK via the M4 Motorway, giving direct access to London and the South east of England. The A465 Heads of the Valleys route provides an efficient link to the Midlands and the North via the M50, M5 and M6.

See also: Traffic Wales

Approximate Travel Times by Road
Distance
(Miles)
Distance
(Kilometres)
Time Taken
Birmingham143 230 2hrs 40mins
Bristol81 130 1hr 30mins
Cardiff42 66 50mins
London189 304 3hrs 30mins
Countymap

By Rail

Neath Port Talbot is also on the national rail network and is served by an hourly service to and from London-Paddington allowing access to regular connections to other parts of Britain and continental Europe.

See also:

By Air

Cardiff International Airport is the UK’s second fastest growing regional airport and a major provider of services to a wide range of worldwide locations, only a 40 minute drive away.

In addition, Swansea Airport is situated just 30 minutes from junction 42 of the M4 and operates 3 daily return flights to London City Airport, as well as services to Amsterdam, Brussels, Cork, Dublin, Plymouth and Newcastle.

See also:

By Sea

Port Talbot Docks and Tidal Harbour has the deepest berthing facilities within the Severn Estuary and is able to accommodate vessels of up to 180,000 dwt. While the harbour is utilised primarily by Corus for importing large quantities of iron ore and other raw materials, additional capacity exists for the future expansion of its cargo-handling capabilities. The inner dock area also has general cargo berths for a variety of traffics including processed slag and timber and can also accommodate heavy lift ro-ro cargoes. Significant potential exists to develop other traffics.

See also:


Funny Stories

Have you had any funny experiences during your stag night, wedding or honeymoon? What stroies have you got about your wedding guests, the Best man, Groom? What happened on that stag weekend? What stories can't be repeated? We want to hear them.

This is your chance for fame. Let us have those stories and we will publish them here and on our other websites.

We also welcome copies of your photos from your stag parties. We'll set up a photo album so everyone can view them.

E-mail us at [email protected]