Visit the Wedding/Stag Jokes
If you are looking for ideas for those opening lines to speeches then try these:-
In the run-up to today, Paul and Linda had a bit of an issue with the seating plan, because they really couldn’t decide who to put where. So as best man, I offered to step in and help work something out. What we finally decided was to use the wedding present list, and put those who bought the biggest items nearest the front, and work it back from there. So if they can hear me at the back there, thank you to Tony and Sue for the oven glove.
Aug 2004 There are some stories you can tell at a wedding and then there are others that might be interesting to tell, but can't really be told. The ones that Paul invented about himself for the Reader's Letters section of Penthouse magazine would be a perfect example.
July 2004 My main duty today is to give you all an introduction to the groom, relating tales about his crazy adventures as a young man, his run-ins with the police, the marathon sessions in the pub and his string of meaningless flings. I should then introduce the benevolent influence of the bride on our young hero, as she struggled to tame a man with an approach to life that combined ape-like urges with gay abandon. Of course, I can't cover everything, so I'm just going to concentrate on the gay abandon.
June 2004 None of you will know this, but I've actually congratulated the groom already. 'Paul,' I said to him, 'Well done! You will always look back on today as the happiest and best thing you've ever done.' Fitting words, I thought, at the end of a fantastic stag do.
May 2004 Ladies and gentlemen, if there's anybody here this afternoon who's feeling nervous, apprehensive and queasy at the thought of what lies ahead, it's probably because you have just got married to Paul Wilson.
Apr 2004 I think all went well this morning in getting Paul ready for his big day. The condemned man ate a solid, hearty breakfast and arrived at the church sober and on time. My one disappointment would have to failing to arrange his last request as a single man - due to strong protests from the do-gooders at the Sheep Welfare Council.
Mar 2004 I've known Paul for many years and in some ways you could say I've been a father figure to him. I watched him drink from a bottle, I watched him stagger around naked, I watched him crawl, I've dressed and undressed him, cleaned up after him … and that was only last night!
Feb 2004 My first impression of Paul was a guy with a really distinctive sense of fashion style and, being young and impressionable, I started to copy him in the sorts of things he used to wear - until my mother grounded me for taking clothes from her wardrobe.
Jan 2004 Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen - Let me first say that the bridesmaids look absolutely smashing today, and only rightly outshone by our bride, Linda. And, I'm sure you'll agree with me gentlemen, today is a sad day for single men, as another beauty leaves the available list. And ladies, I'm sure you'll agree that today's passing by without much of a ripple.
Dec 2004 I first met Paul when he was in his first job back at J.C. Andrews. We got on straight away, and found that we were totally on the same level. This was in 1985, when my father also worked there and had taken me along for a few days during the Easter holidays. I was 11 years old at the time.
